Have you ever played that game where you think about if you were on Death Row with no pardons left, what you would plan for your last meal? (What, just me?) I mean, although I have no plans of committing heinous crimes, I have plotted out the ultimate dinner. Also, just saying if you’re lucky enough to join me for that, you’re going to get Velveeta mac and cheese AND pizza. Hope you’re not lactose intolerant, because its going to be bangin’!
One of the foods that I would consider for my last supper would clearly have to be grocery store icing. Truly, its my Achilles heel. Many people can attest that at any function where crappy cake is going to be served, I am that lady who is hovering over the table, just waiting for everyone to get their slice so that I can get the most corner frosting left sitting there on the cardboard palette. I have no shame. I lay waste to sugary pillows of white sweet nothing with a sheen of hydrogenated oil. Just thinking about it makes my mouth water. Read the rest of this entry »
This weekend marks my 35th year on the sphere and I’m taking the sugar filled weekend off. See you next week, provided I haven’t gone into insulin shock!
As the autumnal season careens recklessly towards our patio furniture like a freshman at Chico State, it becomes apparent to us that change is looming. Leaves splatter our sidewalks, crunching underfoot. Sandals are replaced by sensible footwear. Ah yes, fall. Time for soup.
However, in addition to being a season in transition, this time of year is also marking the beginning of change for one of the largest soup manufacturers in the United States, Campbell’s. People just aren’t eating soup the way that they were just a few years ago. Is it global warming? Something that’s saying “not cool enough for cream of mushroom”? Is canned soup not heirloom enough for todays discerning soup market? People just aren’t into anything they have to rehydrate from a can?
Perhaps. But before you eschew your next spoonful of bean and bacon, wouldn’t it be interesting to know where your canned soup came from? Read the rest of this entry »
Last night I saw my first opera of the season, Carmen. It was beautiful- from Don Juan at the cigarette factory to Carmen getting shivved at the end. (Spoiler alert!) Granted, I’m not the biggest opera fan in the world (I don’t even really care that much for the music) but I can always get down with getting dressed up to the nines to sit at the Metropolitan Opera House and watch ant-sized people belt out opulent music to my nosebleed height seats.
Those voices! Even from my perspective where those people are 1/64″ of an inch tall, they’re phenomenally loud. I’m sure it comes from years of practice and subtle amplification, but I’ve also heard that professional opera singers have incredibly restrictive diets. The Sad Clown indeed. But last night I got to wondering, do opera singers have special diets to enhance their performances? Read the rest of this entry »
Despite how it looks like I eat all this fancy food.. or, I eat all this food.. or, okay, I try to make it sound like I live solely on sugar, salt and butter.. it’s a lie. I actually eat very little of what I research and write about.
That isn’t to say that I don’t eat things like Mallomars and Waffle House, but rather I eat a bite or two here and there and settle in with things that grow out of the ground. I eat plenty of boring fruits and vegetables punctuated by my favorite teardrop shaped food, the almond. Ah yes, the almond. Its shaped like a tiny drop of regret for all those pats of butter that I have chosen not to eat. But my heart thanks me like a kid with a birthday bike. And that, I suppose, makes it kind of worth it.
Anyways, as you can gather, I eat a lot of nuts. Read the rest of this entry »
Do you remember back when you were a kid and you would look at those colorful bricks of ramen noodles in the store? What did you think about that? Did you think “OOOoooooOOOOOOhhh! Ippudo! Slice me some pork belly on that son!”? Or, like me, did you think “Ew, poor people food. Lets hope nobody sees this in the basket.”
If you thought the latter, you’re clearly not a millennial. Pre-Ippudo when I was in college I was no stranger to the mysterious Oriental seasoning packet. Begrudgingly I slurped up slightly slimy noodles for meals at a time, oftentimes garnished with (shudder) frozen vegetables. It filled my stomach, I’m not proud. It was the mid-nineties, long before ramen became something of a cult.
As the years went on and my income ever still tentative, I put away the noodle bricks of my youth until a couple of years ago. Somewhere along the line I had missed the boat, but ramen had become cool again. Suddenly people were exalting the bricks on high like they had reached a new level of soup consciousness. Much like my grudge against the taco being “edgy”, I couldn’t see why people were so nutty over a bowl of noodle soup. I had to investigate. Read the rest of this entry »
This year, I’ve been on a frosting quest.
Not a buttercream frosting quest or a poured fondant quest, no maám. I want to know what that ultralight whipped frosting from grocery stores is and how its made, as its my achilles heel. My kryptonite. My everything. So I’ve let my fingers do the walking to find what this mysterious frosting is called and a recipe ratio I can hack.